Building Confidence 101

As a kid, I was pretty under confident. Part of it stems from the fact that I was naturally a shy child, and part of it from the fact that I would really let things affect me a lot. Like a little bit of teasing in  school and I would overthink and draw away further into my shell. It still happens to me a lot, but as an adult I deal with it a lot better. So, when my daughter was born, it felt natural to me that I need to instill a good amount of confidence in her. I wanted her to be confident and a leader, smart and not caring about the negatives. So I did was any other mommy would do, googled the crap out of it. i googled, 'how to build confidence in babies', to 'how to make sure your kids are confident'. 'Confidence booster for kids', 'Raising confident children' etc etc.

However, I am still struggling. I still get the feeling that Miss A isn't comfortable with a lot of things in school and I see her slowly losing her self assurance. Small things like she writes slowly in class, or she eats slower, or hasn't won an award for colouring etc is affecting her. She feels she isn't good enough and let's that spoil her mood for the day. So how do I deal with that.

1. Let her be.
Firstly, I have always accepted that she isn't a sporty person. And I am trying to tell her that you accept it as well. We have been telling her that God gifts different things to different people and it's up to us to use that gift. It doesn't matter to us if she doesn't run or do Judo well.

2. Focus on the Positives
Instead I have told her to focus on her positives. Like she draws well, paints beautifully. She is meticulous in everything she does. She is always well dressed (ok that part is currently mine, but she loves it herself). She has a kind heart that reaches out to the less fortunate.

3. But be Realistic
We don't say all of this to her every single day. Pay her little compliments, but not all the time and make them real. Example: she has completed her homework in great handwriting, I will compliment her handwriting, while encouraging her to do better/faster/ next time. Don't go overboard with praise because they won't get that elsewhere and that disturbs them a lot.

4. Setting goals
We set small but achievable goals. Like reading one page daily, or skip counting daily, which is fun but also small enough to easily achieve. They will be happy to know that they can achieve so much within a short period of time.

5. Dealing with the world
By far, this is the toughest. At home, we always create a loving, cushioned environment for our children. They are loved, respected, and cared for but at the same time, it's important to prepare them for the world. And so when we are generally chatting, I will tell her that it's ok for another person to have a different perspective. A lot of people will day different things about the same thing. But that doesnt make it any more or less nicer. it takes all sorts to make the world.


Now by no means am I qualified psychologist. But I am a qualified certified MOM! How do you deal with building confidence?

Declutter Madness

If you thought that I would post about Mother's Day you were so wrong. Instead I thought let me post about something that would make us feel loved, cared for and is one of the biggest things on our minds. Mess! How to clean up? How to keep things clean? How to clean the little ones messes?

Does your everyday feel like a maze? A mystery puzzle where you are trying to find 6 things hidden in this room? Believe me I have totally been there. I have been guilty of ordering several packets of wipes because I couldn't find where they went, I have ordered backups of many things since they got lost always!

And in the middle of the night I have also had panic attacks because it's been overwhelming. Because you know, finding toys all around, having clothes to put away, a separate pile to be washed isn't the easiest thing on the planet. All mommies out there, I hear you. I went through the same thing and all it takes is a bit of tweaks here and there and you're set.

First: to make things easier for you, let's do this room by room. There's no way in he** that I will tell you to clean the whole house together. No way! Not unless you have some solid help, and your little one is going to be away. This is real life ladies! We need to do this room by room. So let's begin:

Step 1: Set a timer, and pep yourself up. No honestly, pep yourself up. Watch some youtube videos, read some blogs and look at pictures of clean and tidy rooms. It really will charge you up, make you get into that cleaning-up-now zone. Set your timer to anything from 30 mintues to 2 hours or more, depending on what you want to do. However, remember that you will feel burnt out. So take small snatches and clear them up.

Step 2: Be ruthless. If you are declutering your cosmetics for example, just throw away 60% of them. You might think that one day you will use them, but by the time that one day rolls around, you will have to buy new stuff since this will have expired. Also, things change, skin texture changes especially after mommyhood. Many a times, I have found that the things I was previously using, don't suit me well, and hence have to switch them anyway.

If it's clothes that you are decluttering, give them off. Don't hang on to those "Bali" cothes, the "Goa" clothes and the oh but what if I visit Scandinavia hence the warm clothes. If you have enough space, vaccumm pack them and store them in a box, they will be better stored that way anyway.

For kids clothes, it's best to donate them to any orphanage.  For accessories and shoes, well just get rid of them. Have you ever come across something in your own wardrobe and thought, well I didnt even remember when I bought that? Well, if you didn't remember, you could do away with it. Or if you look at it the other way, you just shopped in your own closet!

Step 3: Look at your timer. Don't over load yourself. This is the trick. When you clean smaller areas in shorter bursts, it's easier to get back into your daily grind. Or else, you feel really overwhelmed. It's simple to clear off say a couple of drawers from your baby's toy chest or a few parts of your kitchen cupboard. This way you save the steam for the next day's cleaning as well.

Step 4: Take a picture. Enjoy your decluttered area. Reward yourself with a nice massage or just be by yourself for 15 minutes and relax.you deserve it.

Tackle the other areas on other days. By breaking the decluttering into smaller chunks, you will find that it's easier to maintain and keep on doing it as well.

All the best!

Diaper Sagas

When Miss A was a new born, I was pretty clueless. It's taking a lot lot of courage to let you all know on social media that the very first time I went out with Miss A, to the pediatrician, all I carried with me was her doctor's file, one diaper and a onesie. Yes I forgot the wipes, a toy, food for me, and the one hundred other things we need while out and about. 

Very obviously, Miss A decided that was the best time to nurse (no cover), poop (no wipes), spit up post the nursing (no burp rag) and also cry with colic. That day I came home and wrote a list. And stuck the list on my dressing mirror! Since then, I have come a long way and leanrt so many things. Now my bag has a lot of first aid stuff (which kid doesn't fall), snacks (because they get hungry) and entertainment. Vidya Balan didn't lie when she said all we Indians need is Entertainment, entertainment & entertainment! The context was vastly different but you get the gist.

So here are a few pointers for your diaper bags!

1. 0-12 months

These babies basically need diapers and wipes. Because the day you have less diapers, they manage a blow out. So always keep 4 or more diapers and wipes. And if you use cloth diapers you need wet bags to store them to bring home to wash. Others, please be kind enough to carry those scented diaper disposal bags like these here, and tie up dirty diapers in them. It's extremely yucky and unhygienic to see dirty diapers tossed into the rubbish bin without proper wrapping. 

You can use some zipper bags to store everything in one place. This way, at the busy airport or the mall or any other place, you won't need to find each thing separately. Just grab the pouch with diapers, wipes and diaper cream. Also keep sanitiser and mat in this same pouch along with a hand wash liquid if you like. Another good idea is to carry the lotion, soap etc in travel sized bottles and refill them as and when you need, which saves space in your bags.

Another pouch can have the clothes and socks. One more pouch for some food items and you are good to go. Nursing cover, or a dupatta can be multi purposed as a car seat cover and sorts a lot of issues right from prying eyes to crazy food spills down your top! Don't forget to carry medicine for colic, travel sickness etc.

2. 1 to 3 years

These little ones need a lot of entertainment and food and also some comfort toys. This is a time when kids start getting really independent and this is a good time to have snack boxes like these so that kids can be encouraged to eat by themselves. Also remember to carry water bottles for them along with a cap or some sort of sun cover as well as a mosquitto repellant and sunscreen. Carry a bib or an apron to keep them clean while eating as well. These days we get fabulous wipe away silicon bibs. Just be careful with the silicon bibs though, sometimes they may cause allergies at the neck.

3. 3 years plus.

At this age most kids are potty trained. However from experience I have learnt that they also catch UTI quickly. Hence please include a seat sanitiser like Pee Safe or toilet liners. Also carry extra inner wear in case of accidents because you know, tiny bladders can only hold in so much! A lot of snacks, some bribery things in case you need to bribe them for an injection or anything. These kids will also do well with some paper and crayons or chalk. 

You might also need a small first aid pouch with the basics like band aids, a small nail clipper, and some ointment and antiseptic swabs. These little ones are naughty, they run, fall, get shoe bites, and what not. It's best to keep such things handy so that you can kiss little ouchies good bye.

What's in your diaper bags?

Throwing a DIY Party.....

What is a recipe for disaster? Thinking that you can do a complete DIY party when you live in India.
But what  is also a recipe for success? A focussed mom intent on throwing an art DIY party in India!
Let's face it, in India when you ask for tissue paper, people shove a box of tissues in your face. So getting around all this is quite the task. But this year, I wanted to do an art party and how!

My daughter loves art. Colouring, painting, cutting, pasting, textures - everything. So for this birthday, I really needed something that she would remember forever. I have this out of the world friend , (no I dont mean para normal) who helped me a lot. And I am blessed enough to have 3 sisters in law who are all early childcare teachers! I mean talk about having a firm foundation.

So the plan was simple. Throw an Art party that the girls and boys will enjoy. Limitations: minimal paint work because I conducted the party in my club where painting wasn't allowed. Even though I offered to cover up the walls (which are mirrored) with thin plastic etc, they were firm about the fact that they wouldn't let us use paint on a large scale.

So solution:
Have an art party that's a mix of art and craft both. Considering that I had a nearly 50 / 50 ratio of boys and girls at the party, I needed to make sure that both enjoyed the activities given.

So here are the activities I kept.
1. Book mark making: some coloured ice cream sticks and glittery stickers later, the kids were a happy bunch!

2. Make and decorate a house. So when the kids entered each one got a bag with some crayon box in it. The kids then used these crayons to decorate and make a house. How? by using one paper cup and one cup cake liner! Talk about having a no mess party!

3. Decorate the bag. In the earlier part you read about how the kids entered and I gave them bags? Well they also had to decorate those bags. So I had kept a bunch of stickers, and laces and tapes and the crayons were all their friends to decorate these bags. They were also using these same bags to store the goodies they created.

4. Make a crown. I made shape cut outs of glitter foam paper and the kids then laced them up and wore them. I won't lie, I was really sceptical about this activity, since buys hardly ever wear crowns. Know what? The boys wore them throughout! They loved loved loved this. I can't believe that even in this age where we try not to gender stereotype, wearing a crown fascinated the boys a lot more since its not something they usually do.

5. Hand painting. To make this birthday memorable, I got a large large canvas. Taped off the edges approximately the width of a printed photograph and then used the interior to make hand impressions of all of my daughter's friends who attended the party. This was the only activity where in we involved paint and was managed by my sil and a very wonderful close friend who managed to get everyone clean before they (a) wiped the painted hand on their clothes; (b) wiped the painted hand on their mommies; or (c) hand painted by club which was a scarier possibility as well!

Finally to end it all, I had a ventriloquist because I figured that attending 150 parties with 150 magic shows was boring. My friend had done a bubble show just a few months back, so I didn't want to repeat that, a ventriloquist was something different and something that the mums would enjoy as well.

Now, here are my observations about the party.
1. Many moms didn't know what to do. Not their fault, I just wanted them to participate more. But soon everyone got into action and did participate after a bit of encouraging. usually birthdays are times when the moms just chill, but here I needed them to take their kids to the art stations and be with them while the activities were being conducted.

2. Though it sounds all lovely and sweet, a lot of time does go in the preps. Especially since it;s DIY, I did spend a lot of sleepless nights in making the basics of the party.

3. Prepare for chaos. Kids loved it and their energy was immense. Thankfully I had a lot of help and really sweet family to absorb the excited vibes of the kids around.

4. Keep extra stuff ready. Well in all honesty, I miscalculated the kids coming. And a few didn't come so I was left with extra stuff. But you won't believe the number of kids who wanted to make an extra card, or an extra bag for mommy. And the ones who wanted more crowns for daadi or daddy etc.

to sum it up, I loved the party, and my daughter enjoyed as well. it was tough no doubt, and would I have gone to a planner? Well, no. I love diy-ing things and also it's helping me teach A an important lesson. That not everything has to be out sourced or bought. It's great fun to use your own hands and creativity and that counts a lot. Most moms really appreciated the efforts that we had put in and they all loved the connect of making easy and non messy activities with their kids.

10 things I learned being a MOM

To round up my learnings as a mom, here are the top 10 that I have learned. No doubt there are many more, but these are the top ones in my book!

1. You are always a bad mother. ALWAYS. According to someone or the other you will always be a bad mother who doesn't feed the kid right, dress the kid right, discipline enough or disciplines too much. Blah blah. Being a mom lays you open for judgement at all times whether you like it or not. Just ignore and walk this path. The only person who needs to agree with you is your partner and the less I say about the rest is best!
   
2. You will become an amazing story teller. From bed time stories to making up wild stories about why we cannot fly like dragons - you will tell them all!
   
3. You will never have enough clothes. Well this goes for all women whether they have kids or not. But especially after becoming a mom you will have 3 kinds of clothes. Clean ones, dirty ones, and 'I will fit into these someday' ones. And amongst all these, will be those 10 clothes that you will wear on rotation until they literally fall off! (Ok I might be exaggerating because if hubby reads this he will be like NO WAY!!)
   
4. You will suffer from memory loss. I don;t know why this is such a mom thing. I really do suffer from memory loss and guess what - it's normal. Right from ordering extra diapers and wipes everyday in a row for 3 days - to forgetting you have groceries and buying them again - I am guilty of it all. Don't know why but I have a feeling that 'bheje mein bhusa bhara hain' comes from a very honest mom!
   
5. You will NEVER have hot tea or coffee again. Or cold, cold drinks. Just never. You can sneak into the corners of the universe but hot or cold drinks will always lose their temperature before you have them. It's universal.
   
6. You will lose track of time all the time. It's actually like you glance at the clock its 8 am. Next you look up and it's 11! And you have no clue where you were in that time. Look at point number 4 for further details.
   
7. This one is for all the moms with potty trained kids. Whenever there are good clean toilets in sight, your kids will not go. They never feel like. The moment you are stuck in traffic with nothing else in sight - their little bladders are full.
   
8. Your kid will repeat the darndest things. So be careful about what you say. They won't repeat the spellings that you were teaching them. No Sir! Instead, they will surely repeat that mamma told daddy that aunty looked really fat and had cakey makeup on! This - yes they will.
   
9. The moment you want to eat - they want to go potty. Without fail. You can try varying your timings to suit their potty schedule, but it's pegged to our lunch and dinner times. Even if you eat your lunch at 4 in the evening - that particular day, they will go at 4!
   
10. You will still love it all. All these notwithstanding being a mom totally rocks my boat and I love it. Yes even though I have forgotten what cold coke and hot tea tastes like.

Mommy Dress Up

How many of us just wake up and throw on some old clothes and tie our hair in a bun? Well, if you are not one of them, then kudos to you, but 80% mommies do this. We need to wake up, change diapers (of the baby's obviously) and start on breakfast. If you are a nursing mommy, you NEED to eat. Like absolutely need to, want to.

And then there's coffee. Which for me personally is tea! I need to have my cup pf tea in the morning, just sitting for those 5 minutes without a toddler or actually anyone in my presence. You know those ads where they show people sitting together and having tea? yeah! Well, not my cup of tea. I hate to talk early in the morning before having tea.

And while I do try to get in a small workout, let's face it - it almost never happens. I am working out running between the bedroom and bathroom and kitchen. Now that my little one is in school, I need to prepare her tiffin box (a post for later) and I really cannot think straight during this personal rush hour.

To top this off, has anyone realized that kids are the s-l-o-w-e-s-t in the mornings? At 10 PM , they will run and scream and jump all over you, the bed, the sofa and the walls (gravity permitting!) But at 7 AM, s-l-o-w. Like deadly slow. The moment I hand a cup of milk over to my daughter, I swear I can waltz around and come back but the straw hasn't reached her mouth yet!!!

Well where am I getting? The fact that we all go through this. As a mom without any experience, i felt the worst in the mornings. i thought other mothers have their shit so well put together and here I am trying to comb Miss A's hair with one hand and make her wear socks with the other. But no sir, that's not the case. We all are living this now, and seriously we need a hug.

But on these very days, I think I have found what helps me. A well planned schedule and a lovely outfit. I prep for the tiffin the previous night and lay out my clothes for the morning. Never mind that it's just to drop off Miss A to school. But it really makes a difference when I don't wear yoga pants and actually wear better clothes. My outfit really makes me feel put together. Because when I look good, it's like half the battle won!

Here we go again!

Ok so contrary to what that sounds like, here we go again means I AM BLOGGING AGAIN..... and not I am pregnant again. Just to clear that bit!

Most of the last few years were spent with my lil Miss A who is now a super cute and sassy girl. And after putting off writing many many times in the past, I want to be back now. I always put this on the back burner, waiting for a milestone, but now I am back, and for good!

So many times, we put things off like this, waiting for a particular thing, a milestone, a divine intervention and what not. But recent events (I lost my beloved aunt) have taught me that it's now that we need to live in. I know it's not something new, but self realization is what hits you the most.

I am a compulsive planner, a list maker, and I have a book of lists of all my lists. Sounds silly much? But that's how I am and how I roll. I wasn't this organised, but parenting turned my brain into a mush puddle and now if I don't write it down, I might forget my own name as well. I love to plan the future with the same zeal as a General might plan his war time troops. I have my diary all written down (and seriously I need it) but really at times I feel the need to just relax. Stop and pause and have fun. And vent. Which is why this blog.

So I hope everyone enjoys a bit here (all of my 100 readers that is) and see you soon :)

Oh Cut us some Slack!

LOL can you tell I am upset by reading the post title? Look up! 

You know how when you don't have babies you decide a few things like - oh my kid is always going to be well dressed no matter what, & my kid will eat all organic food, or my kid will drink beer from day 1! well whatever you get my point.

So we were headed out for dinner to Royal China the other night. I requested them for a high chair but all they have a booster seats. Yeah very encouraging, people! Let's put the kids closer to the actual table so that they can make a bigger mess. So we have Miss A seated at the table on her booster seat. She decided she hates being restricted like this. So tornado A hits the table and throws everything within sight down. 

So I have to decide to be like the coolest mom ever and let her be. At this point stuff on the floor is: a dirty serviette, their menu card (which bright server gave a ten month old the menu card anyway!!), Miss A's teether, Gerber Banana flavoured puffs, Feed and Mash bowl lid. (And my brain!)

Plan of Action to be followed: Get the iPad out and play her nursery phymes! (LOVE U APPS)

So i get out her iPad, navigate this huge mess and place it before her. Now did I mention that when Miss A is happy she screams. Like a high pitched scream (which one might associate with terror but no sir - in my case my daughter is happy!) Yeah so seeing her rhymes she started screaming - at which point several others looked at us as if we were mad to let her watch stuff on the iPad. 

An she screams again and again. we are all shushing her by now but she seems to find this funny. and screams even louder.

I am not saying at all babies should scream loudly at restaurants. Oh God no! But if you see a family having fun at a restaurnt along with a baby in tow, cut them some slack. At some point of time you or people around you might have babies and babies do the most embarrassing stuff around. Which doesn't mean I don't try and discipline my child, no I of course do that. But please stop giving people the LOOK (yours-is-the-first-child-i-have-seen-screaming kinds) and give them a smile. 

Love youmiss A (screaming and all)

A delayed post with several updates

Miss A now sits/ crawls/ tries to get up. Basically the tornado mode is on. Soon she'll patter through the house and  touch destruct everything possible.

The saddest thing ever happened on the 10th of June. My love turned seven months old. But the worst thing ever had to happen. My doll was on the bed an one maid walked in. her nose ring got caught in Miss A's earring ring and my baby tore her earlobe. Its hurting me to even talk about it.

Prayers are on for my world. We decided to not go in for a surgery to repair her lobe as she's too young to be anesthetized. we would also have to keep her hungry for six hours plus so that they could give her general anesthesia. So we all decided against it. It broke our hearts to see her in so much pain.

But my baby is made of sterner stuff! she has battled it and won! Feeling so proud of her.

Love you Miss 

Mother's Day made special

Happy Mother's Day. This one is my first official Mother's Day!!!! And I'm so happy and proud. I love u my lil miss A. Its a joy to see u around me. I love it when you tiny hands clutch mine. I love it when ur tiny fingers try and grip my bracelet. 

It feels so nice to see ur tiny smile when u reveal a small gorgeous (sharp) tooth. It makes me proud when u do something new. I feel Honoured when i see you achieve something. Big hugs and kisses to you. 

I got the BEST Mother's Day gift. Miss A started sitting!! I'm so happy today. My baby is such a tiny petite doll and she sat up. It was the cutest moment ever. I wanted to pause it and record it. Wish i could do that!!!!

And of course happy Mother's Day to my  mom. Love her so much. She's been the best example for me and i love her so much. Hopefully I'm  half as good a mom as my mum is. She has seriously set such a nice example for me. 

And last but not the least happy Mother's Day to the mom i received through marriage. My mother in law has been a great support, loved me, showed me the way to adjust, taught me a few things and treated me like a daughter. I hope she helps me raise miss A just like she raised her son- the most wonderful man i married!

Here's wishing all the moms in the world a very happy Mother's Day. We all are mighty special, truly!!!! 

HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY

HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY TO OUR LOVE, OUR DAUGHTER, THE LOVE OF OUR LIVES! Its been six months that we became parents and we are so happy, deeply in love and enjoying our little love!
We love you miss A.

So today we just cut a cake and will be meeting aai and baba too! Loving every moment of this tiny six month old! It feels like all my sleepless nights were yesterday. LOL. Love you baby girl, I hope you are as happy as we are. We love you so so much, its unbelievable!

Mama and Daddy!